Saturday, 18 September 2010

10 Most Popular Yankee Whoppers

As people get old and senility takes hold, they get solace from the lies they're told. Is Uncle Sam now lapsing into second childhood? Consider the growing list of fictions for grandfather:

1) "Recovery is coming." Great news, Dad! (Yeah, in 25 years!)
2) "Our wars are being won." (Of course they are - by the enemy!)
3) "The border is secure." (The Mexicans don't let anyone sneak in!)
4) "American industry is still tops." (Just ask the Chinese who staff the off-shore factories!)
5 "The Russians started the Georgian invasion." ('Cause the CIA and IDF said so!)
6) "Israel is our staunchest ally." (Who wouldn't be, with 4-5 billion in annual shell-outs?)
7) "The Jews don't control Hollywood." (Just ask the top 8 producers: Cohen, Coen, Coon, Kahn, Kagan, Conn, Coffen and Katz!)
8) "The Romans, not the Jews, killed Jesus." (Look it up in the Talmud!)
9) "Diversity is strength." (Aren't our Muslims stronger than ever?)
10) "God loves America." (He always afflicts his favorites. Just ask the Jews!)

Thursday, 16 September 2010

Give a Man a Mud Cake...

The poor ye shall always have with you. - Jesus.
Without a little hunger we perish. - East European proverb
Every time I clap a child in Africa dies.- Bono during Aid for Africa concert
Well stop effin clapping then! - Voice from offstage

The bad news: a billion people are still hungry. The good news: most of them probably don't know it. I say this because of the source. The UN, like most governments, has a budget gap and a credibility gap to go with it. Given the bureaucrats' need to pad their own accounts and careers, their crisis baloney has to be taken with a critical grain of salt. Speaking of baloney, I bet the good sisters at St. James in Vancouver's East End probably throw out enough baloney sandwiches to feed a whole African tribe for a year. Well, tribe of pygmies, anyway. As a tramp once said to me, nobody starves in Vancouver. Or Canada. In the West even the starving are eating too much. The poverty rates in the States are just in, too, with the usual alarm bells going off in the media. Same gas, different belly. Is anyone in America seriously hungry? Except for the hapless homeless, I doubt it. Doubtless, hunger is a real problem in some parts of the third world. But is it a problem of no food or no thought? Everyone likes to recite the old Give a man a fish adage, but things just keep on going one fish at a time. The West, it seems, needs someone to take off its excess food and fish are cheaper than fishing lessons.
In Haiti we learned after last winter's earthquake that they eat dirt - literally- and not just during crises. It fills the belly and offers the rudiments of vitamin sufficiency. In NA the obese are crying out for something to rescue them from their own gluttony. Could Haitians start exporting their mud cakes to the mainland for sale to the lapband set, it would be the ultimate diet from the ultimate disaster zone. Better get it on now, though, before the US dollar gets cheaper than dirt.

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Nihil Ex Nihilo

Who says black holes don't exist? What about the U.K.?
British science was in the news last week when Stephen Hawking, the gravity challenged popularizer of all things spacey, declared that the universe had started from nothing. ! For some reason the media couldn't get enough of nothing. Nothing is always something for the mainstream media, because it underpins everything they've been pushing in their relentless drive for that countervail to Christian tradition called nihilism. So they predictably flogged it for all it was worth. Which wasn't much. Time ran a particularly slavish review of Hawking. It was hardly the first story that mag has generated out of nothing. The only other item high on the media's menu was barbecued Koran. Odd to see the secular press falling all over themselves to show respect for a vengeful, primitive religion when their heart was actually in the post-modern dogma of nihil ex humana. Is that what they call negative capability? Hawking too, has vested interests in nothing, since his whole claim to fame rests on it. Black holes, a purely theoretical construct never observed or verified, are about the best reification of nothing in the world, or rather not in the world. Hawking has been hawking black holes for decades, to the point where they've now become an accepted part of the entire post-modern continuum of TV, movies, and the New York Times. But do they exist? Don't ask us to prove a negative! comes the reply.
Science, it seems to me, is a tripod. It has three legs: time, force and matter. Take away any of those legs and science falls down. By definition, none of them were around prior to the Big Bang, and so Hawking is simply talking through his wormhole of a hat. If he wants to trade in his physicist's hat for that of a priest or philosopher or even a poet, he's welcome to try. But be forewarned, Stephen! Another poet has already covered that ground, and remember what he discovered: nothing will come of nothing!

Saturday, 11 September 2010



Aw, shucks! The promise of immolated Korans is off, and no-one's more dismayed at the news than the masses of idle Muslims worldwide that have now been cheated out of their chance at murder, mayhem and martyrdom, all before the encouraging lens of the world media of course. Oh well, might as well riot anyway, many have decided. Being Friday, they were already dressed for jihad so why let an opportunity for outrage go unexploited? And since when did Islam ever let mere facts get in the way of a good rampage in the streets? Presumably Obama was able to convert Pastor Jones to his own philosophy of never doing what you say you'll do! Who knows – with a little more coaching he might even teach him to bow. Bowing, as the President knows, has all kinds of forms and gradations. Like Obama, Jones can bow to pressure, to power, to money, to fear, to ambition, to the right, to the left, to the Muslims, the Jews, and to, well, everyone. Keep bowing low enough and eventually you'll be bowing to the world's one true ruler, the devil himself. (Last known residence: Goldman Sachs, N.Y. City)
In fact, let's all give him a bow. For if as Jones warns, or used to warn, Islam is of the devil, then the devil, like the Lord, works in mysterious ways indeed. In squelching this fool of a pastor, all that they – the media, the White House, the Vatican (yes! the pope, too, is rushing to defend what he once called the "religion of compulsion" just a year or two after he himself was in its sights) – all that they have succeeded in doing is validating yet again the idea that Islam, alone among the world’s creeds, is exempt from all criticism, mockery, or perceived insult. Nice work, pastor. Take a bow, Devil!
It can’t go both ways: either Islam will keep spreading with its arrogant demands for respect, aka submission, or it must get used to the idea of being just one among the many other all-too-human belief syst-
ems on this war-weary old planet. As of now it is spreading like wildfire.

Salt On the Wound

Can grave Manhattan's hallowed craters heal,
Languishing in the shade of fiery zeal?
And must the phantom limbs of fallen towers,
Conjoin their anguish to the crescent power's?
Then no brave spirits have with us communed,
So pour, pour, pour your salt on the wound!

Shall Allah Akbar, war cry of 9-11,
Vie with our requiems for the ear of heaven?
And will Adhan, against the Church St. bell,
Strive to commemorate that day from hell?
Then Liberty's lyre has come untuned,
So pour, pour, pour your salt on the wound!

(On last night's Hollywood launch of its "Stand Up 2* Cancer" campaign)
What better place to promise cancer's end,
Than from the world capital of pretend!
kindergartner and ethno-American for "to"

Recent YouTube posts
Someday the American nightscape will mirror that of France, replete with roving gangs of illegals burning cars, assaulting civilians and battling the cops. How did it happen? people will ask. Treason, will be the reply, betrayal by the clerks.
A nation without borders is like a man without a skin,
leeding its strength away and letting infections in.