Saturday, 1 December 2012

Fire in the Belly

Being nothing if not gracious in victory, Obama had Romney over for lunch last week. That's after eating him for lunch two weeks before. 
        After all the abuse heaped upon him by this mendacious fraud, Romney must have been out to lunch to have accepted. What was it, now, that the aggrieved governor was just so recently and so indignantly complaining about? Oh, just a few minor slurs and slanders such as causing the death of someone's wife, being a crook and a tax dodger, being a racist etc., not to mention being a prime, - ahem - "bullshitter." Nothing to get your magic Mormon drawers in a twist over. What's a Mormon, after all, if not charitable and forgiving? But as every born again millionaire should know, charity begins at home, which is where Romney should have had his lunch. And he should have told president arugula to stuff it. 
       Ah, well a day, it's all part of the game, it seems. You're toast today and toasting your destroyer tomorrow. That's politics, the "art of the possible," where anything is permissible. But maybe if Mitt had seen the contest as less of a game and more as a life and death struggle for the soul of a nation that some regard it as, he'd now be serving up Obama the humble pie he so richly deserves. But that gut-driven instinct for conquest always eluded poor plodding Mitt, so he ended up eating Obama's dust. The race goes to the swiftest, 'tis said. Or is it the hungriest? 
      Some of the sites are speculating about Obama's possible motives. Motives? How about sheer gleeful triumphalism? And just to rub it in, the main course was chili - the national dish of Mexico, but for whose steadfast support in the form of forty million migrants, legal and otherwise, democrats and mostly not otherwise, last week's invite might well have been the more traditional one of outgoing loser to incoming winner. Presumably the abstemious Mormon once again found himself at his former adversary's disadvantage, by conscience barred from washing down the lip-blazing collation with a soothing ice-cold beer. Who says Obama's against torture?
 "I hope you like it good and hot, Mitt?" 
"After eight months of choking down inflammatory rhetoric, searing insult, and infernal libels, Barry, I can swallow anything!"

Saturday, 24 November 2012

Chip Off Le Bloc

Though Trudeau fils be not to our liking,
The family resemblance is most striking:
Though in brains hardly a dead ringer,
No question the lad's got dad's middle finger!

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

The General and the Journo: From Here to Inanity

Adultery??? There's a fifties atavism if ever there was one. Who's scripting this, James Jones? Or Bridget Jones? Just look at the villain of the piece, Ms. Broadwell: every liberal's pinup girl for bright, brash and braless liberation. So it's hands off Paula, guys! But wait! What about Tampa's acclaimed "hostess" and (worse), "socialite," (cringe!) the retro extro Ms. Kelly? She's dumb, tacky and a foreigner to boot! Perfect press prey! The honorary consul for Korea is complaining to the cops that reporters in front of her driveway are offending her diplomatic "involubility." Lawksa'mercy, you oughtn't to be touching a lady's involubility, boys! Never mind that her token status allows her no official privilege whatsoever, the poor boob still hasn't figured out that it's her manic volubility that got her into this mess. Gossips beware: yesterday's backyard fence is today's world wide web.
     Oh, well, they say the military always prepares for the last war. Seems their scandals are always fifty years out of date, too.

Sunday, 11 November 2012

The boring election south of the 49th has given way to even more boring post mortems. According to the progressive punditz, the party of the patriots lost because they failed to reach out to latinos. Now where have we heard that before? Like only about the last fifteen elections! If the GOP ever swallows this goop then they really are the "stupid party." Romney lost because he played it safe. I knew months ago he was destined for defeat and said so here. There it was fate I invoked, but fate always partners with hubris to bring us down. And Romney's fate was sealed the day after the first debate. By the look on their smug faces, his and his team's, you'd have thought they'd just scaled Everest. Only a third the way up and already lightheaded! Romneyteam decided to sit tight, look presidential, above the fray, and coast to victory. Fools!
       As every gambler knows, when the odds are even, the house always wins. So you need a healthy five to ten percent lead before you can start to coast. That's because latecomers are a challenger's least loyal supporters, and, absent some dramatic confirmation, more and more will defect back to the incumbent as the vote looms. In other words, Romney played it safe and so did his recent converts - safe with the status quo. Flip flopping, it seems, is contagious.
        But not according to the neocons and libs. They've got the script for 2016 already drafted and aren't going to rest until it's become the national mantra of both parties: I believe that the Republican party must reach out to . . . Mexico! If elected, my first priority will be the immediate, complete and permanent dismantling of that most odious and shameful legacy of a bygone era, the border. Henceforth my campaign slogan is "Forward, Northward!"

Thursday, 8 November 2012

Yet another formerly innocent word has joined the swelling list of proscrbed "racially charged" epithets in the national discourse: laundry, pork, rice, spaghetti, Cadillac, grocer, etc etc. And now....  TAXI

Which Way the Wind Blows

Along with Romney and Ryan, the US election was a rejection of Ayn Rand, author of Atlas Shrugged, that de rigueur read in every college boy's intellectual rite of passage. The media began objecting to Objectivism, Rand's ethic of capitalist self-interest, the moment Ryan entered the contest, and Ryan found himself working hard to distance himself from his quondam "inspiration." Rand was something of an extremist, to be sure, but she had some interesting ideas kicking around in that greedy little head of hers. Ryan might have offered a better defense than he did of his interest in her, shared as it is by thousands of Wall Street execs, but since he was getting it from all sides - his own party looks askance on Rand's hatred of religion - he chose to duck instead of duke.
       Too bad. Because like all really driven artists Rand had something of the prophet about her. All Ryan had to do to vindicate his respect for her was to say, "Look around you!" Look, that is, at America's decaying infrastructure, at roads and bridges and power grids in disrepair, not to say disarray, and remember that Rand saw it all coming. Nearly two weeks after hurricane Sandy struck and hundreds of thousands still without power in New York state. The governor calls it unacceptable. Rand called it inevitable. 
         But worse is on the way. Sandy was nature at its most violent. But socialism is human nature at its most vile, according to Rand. Wind and rain destroy things but welfare and regulation destroy the builder of things, the human will. Obama has set on course a system of government and a mentality that assumes the producers of wealth, the infamous "1%," will continue on as they always have while he shackles them with a slaver's mandate from the sainted "47%." Rand would tell Obama, "Don't count on it, Massa!" 
          Sandy's vortex is spent and gone. But the death spiral of world economic downturn is just getting going. Hang on to your hats, democrats!

The Big One
Like the San Andreas fault,
Where mountains strain and gravity tugs,
America cleaves twixt Marx and John Galt,
And starts to shudder as Atlas shrugs.

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

They know not what they do

When they axed Section Thirteen last spring no one cheered. Not the left who wanted it, and not the right either, who hated it, because everybody knew the Mounties would be taking up the slack from the displaced housewives brigade which for the last twenty five years has been regulating the national conscience like a plate of underdone meatloaf - make that, kangaroo meatloaf. Sure enough, the boys in serge busted some poor fool of a "hater" yesterday, to the predictable cheers of Canada's Jewish sector. At least this way, though, it's all out in the open, and "strict rules of evidence" do apply, unlike the HRC. So everybody has to go on the public record when they jail someone for having the wrong set of beliefs. That includes the government, the courts, the police, the Jews who initiated the complaint, and last but not least the Canadian public who stand by with indifference while the whole outrage takes place in their name. If it goes to the High Court then Beverly Mclachlin will have to finally declare her true hatred of free speech and no longer get away with letting the HRC housewives do her dirty work for her.
       Whether strict rules of logic apply remains to be seen. Certainly nothing is more illogical on the face of it than Jews invoking the spectre of Hitlerism as justification for locking people up because they see the world differently than Jews. Hitler came to power because force was used to silence his critics. It wasn't that he was allowed to spew his venom but that he was allowed to spew it uncontested. Canadian Jews evidently covet the same advantage for themselves.
       So bring on the lawyers and let's see how the local Sanhedrin likes making a martyr out of this guy all the way to the Supreme Court. You'd have thought they might have learned long ago what comes of hanging martyrs out to dry . . .


Now, where was I . . . ?

Saturday, 3 November 2012

Sweet Sixteen

When governor Christie
On Obama goes misty,
Leaving poor Mitt broken-hearted,
We know it's a ploy,
Cuz for lover boy
The next conquest's already started. 

Friday, 2 November 2012

Mitt Will Get the Big Bird at Last

Hasta la vista, Romney! Go back to Massachusetts or Mexico or wherever you and yours hail from and take that starched white Mormon hair shirt of yours with you. We're sick of your play-it-safe boring run. We're sick of your white bread wife doing your fighting for you. We're sick of your vanilla-faced clean-cut sons mumbling their pious platitudes in front of suspicious Christian crowds. We're sick of your smug overpaid advisors.You could have ditched that pathetic team of goofs months ago when experienced Republican voices told you to but you wouldn't hear of it. You were the gunner, they were your ammo feeders, but they fed you nothing but blanks.You could have hammered the media on Libya but you only mashed your own thumb. You could have swept the floor with Bronco in the second debate, but you blinked on Benghazi and let the lying idiot scold you out of countenance. Bring on Obamacare, Mr. Fixit, 'cause you make me sick.

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Dream Debate (What Mitt should have said)

There you go again, I thought, watching with dismay as Romney blinked and blanched before the scolding finger of Obama. Hadn't he anticipated this? Did he and his team of dolts think it was going to be another cakewalk like the first encounter? Is that all it takes to throw this clod out of countenance? Idiot! Then later that night as I drifted off to sleep, I thought I was seeing another debate, so similar and yet so different, too . . . 

"Governor Romney's says he's got a five-point plan?" he asked, a hint of mocking disbelief in his voice. "Governor Romney doesn't have a five-point plan. He has a one-point plan. And that plan is to make sure that folks at the top play by a different set of rules. That's been his philosophy in the private sector, that's been his philosophy as governor, that's been his philosophy as a presidential candidate." 

Well, Mr. Obama, since you've brought up the subject, let's look into my "philosophy." My philosophy is premised on a belief in individual initiative, in creative thinking and reward tied to merit, - above all in the freedom that allows these elements to thrive. It's the same philosophy that our Founding Fathers believed in when they started this great nation. Your philosophy, contrarily,  favors the confiscation of the rewards of hard work and risk under the euphemism of "redistribution," the stifling of innovation by over-regulating the market place, and above all in shackling the invisible hand of free enterprise to the dead hand of government fiat. In a word, it's called socialism and it's destroying our country.

*      *     *
"The suggestion that anybody in my team, whether the secretary of state, our U.N. ambassador, anybody on my team would play politics or mislead when we've lost four of our own, governor, is offensive," Obama said, a severe look in his eyes. "That's not what we do. That's not what I do as president, that's not what I do as commander-in-chief."

I'm not accountable to Mr. Obama's sensitivities, but generally, experience has taught me that what some people find most offensive is often what others find most true. And just for the record, Mr. President, when I read that as a senator you voted against a bill to outlaw the murder of a child born prematurely during an abortion, any abhorrence I might have felt for what you find offensive vanished down the tubes forever. But to the point: if you, Mr. President, can persuade me and the majority of Americans now watching, that you have not tried to mislead the country, while for the last four weeks we have painfully watched as you, your Secretary of State and her underling Susan Rice, and your own press secretary Carney, all repeatedly tried to hang this tragedy around the neck of some misguided amateur filmmaker, then all I can say is maybe you really can walk on water. But from where I'm sitting, you're skating on pretty thin ice.  

*      *     *
"Look at the transcript." 
I am looking at the transcript, sir. You may have used the word "terror" in a generic sense, but there's no indication in any transcript that you believed that the Benghazi disaster was what in fact your own intelligence service, indeed our own heroic consul, knew it was, i.e., a pre-planned, and therefore unanticipated-by-you, attack against the U.S.  And Ms. Clinton down in Peru may be doing her best to cover for you, sir, but her own damning transcript of four years ago seems to me to sum it up perfectly: that when that dire 3 A.M. call came in to your White House from Benghazi, neither you nor she was there to take it.

"[gasp from audience after Rom rebukes prez for interrupting him]"
Evidently there are some people here tonight who still believe that, well, to be circumspectly circumlocutionary, your eliminatory depositions are entirely free of any adverse olfactory effect, Mr. Obama. Well, - would you believe it? - I'm not one of them.
"Huh? Speak English, please!"
OK, at your insistence, Mr. President: they think your shit don't smell. [Gasp from audience.] But it does. It absolutely reeks, it stinks like hell from one end of the country to the other. It's making us gag. The economy, the border, Benghazi, Obamacare: it's all your shit, sir, and it's high time for a different kind of deposition. Yours! Under you, America is going down the drain, sir, and I'm not going to let that happen. You've been sitting on that throne in your oval office almost four years, sir, and you're long overdue for a flush. And come November, I'll be pulling the lever and opening up the windows. Get ready for the ultimate dump. Sir!

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Cover Girl

I did it, quoth the lady,
Blame it all on me;
Benghazi was a fiasco,
But my make-up's a catastrophe!

photo from Le Monde

Saturday, 29 September 2012

The FBI in Libya (Duh da da!)

Scene: [A hotel room in Benghazi, crowded with FBI agents. From a window, agent Jim Rhodes scans the dark street below with a pair of binoculars. In frame, a clothing store, the sign reads,"al-Milo's"]
Rhodes, [turning to his captain]: Lew, take a look. The guy looking in the window. Muhammad al-Milden. [Hands the field glasses to Erskine who looks across the street to al-Milo's.]
Lewis Erskine: I wonder how long he's been back.
Rhodes: Back? I never knew he left.
Erskine: Oh right, I'm still thinking I'm in the States. Jet lag, you know. Maybe it's just our old friend Alawi with a new MO?
Rhodes: Mike, do we still have a warrant on him?
Mike: Still? I didn't know we ever did!
Rhodes: Oh right, you know...
All: Jet lag! Right!
Mike : How about unlawful flight?
Rhodes : Who? Him or us?
Erskine: Let's take him! (exit Erskine and Rhodes)
Mike, at the transmitter: Lookout units one and two...
[In the street the four agents converge at the clothing store entrance, covertly nodding to one another as they close in on their quarry; tense violins cue the dangerousness of the situation.]
Lookout agent, approaching a couple at the sales counter: I'll have to ask you people to leave. Just walk away. [Showing his badge] FBI.
Arab couple, uncomprehendingly: Huh? [They start jabbering in Arabic]
Lookout agent, (getting angry): I said F-B-I. Police! Move! What's wrong with you people? Don't you watch TV? [Pushing them aside, the agent addresses the suddenly evasive sales clerk] You can show me some ties, er, I mean those whatdyacallems.
Al-Milo: Keffiyehs.
Lookout agent: Keffiyehs? Fine. Got anything in red, white and blue?
[As a man comes out from a change room holding a suriyah, he is confronted by the agents]
Erskine: FBI, al-Milden! You're under arrest.
[The suspect bolts, running back to the change room, where a secret panel opens into a mini-fortress of al-Qaeda operatives, replete with AK-47's, grenade launchers and small missiles. A small army of Islamists emerge armed to the teeth and very angry.]
Al-Milden: Infidels!
Islamists: Allahu Akbar!
Rhodes: What'd they say?
Erskine: I think they're asking what size we're looking for - in coffins. Come on! Let's get the heck out of here!
[The storied team of federal law enforcement agents beat a strategic retreat - all the way back to Washington.]  Announcer: "Join us again next week for another exciting episode of the FBI based on authentic TV dramas. Next week: special agents Lew and Jim find themselves in Beijing investigating yet another incident at a foreign embassy - and proceed to bust the entire Chinese politburo! Same time, same channel."  [Closing refrains of martial theme music. Duuh- duh- da-da.]

The End

Sunday, 23 September 2012

At the Movies with Hillary and Barack

Hillary: Welcome back, fans, friends and followers! And here we are once again with a brand new edition of Entertainment Weakly, where weaker is always better. I'm Hillary C., and joining me is my partner in patter Barack O. (B nods to camera) Well, Barack, tonight we're reviewing the new Youtube sensation "Innocence of Muslims," and over on Broadway, another smash hit, "The Book of Mormon."
Barack: Smash hits! Oh yeah, Hill. In fact I wanted to smash in the faces of the producers of this movie from the very first frames I saw. I have to confess, though, that I haven't yet taken in the play. Too busy bringing the curtain down on a certain real life Mormon. But I hear it's great.
Hillary:  Fabjulous, Barack! I saw it recently with Bill and the gang. You know, all our Hollywood friends. We were in stitches from curtain time. It really sticks it to the Mormon goofs. And such a timely play, too. Right now, just when our campaign needs a boost and Romney needs a boot right up his pious (censored).
Barack: Yes, and I'm told that it sticks that pathetic book of theirs literally right up their --
Hillary: (bursting out in laughter) Oh, don't remind me! That scene will stay forever in my mind as one of the immortal comic icons of stage or screen. I was laughing so hard I nearly wet myself.
Barack: Oh, Hill, you wicked girl, so you're the White House leaker! Ha ha! And, Bill, your husband, always of the same kidney, I trust he shares your enthusiasm?
Hillary: Let's just say, that cigar of his was positively glowing with approbation, Barack.
Both: Ha ha!
Barack: Great! But now let's jump into the movie. It just doesn't match the artistry of "Book of Mormon," does it?
Hillary: Not even close, Barack. "Innocence of Muslims" is full of cheap sex, religional denigration and covert racism. It's absolutely disgusting. By contrast, "The Book of Mormon" is full of cheap sex, religional denigration and covert racism.
Barack: In other words...
Hillary: A true work of art.
Barack: And tell us again, what was Bill's verdict on the movie?
Hillary: Bill gives it two cigars in, way in!
Barack: That good, eh? Or bad, bad I meant. Tell me, was there any particular scene in the film that he and you found especially disgusting?
Hillary: Well, now that you ask, Barack, that scene where Mahomet is addressing the donkey, asking if it likes the women. I nearly threw up in Bill's lap when I saw them showing such blatant disrespect toward donkeys.
Barack: I can appreciate that, Hill. Such a sensitive animal, and not for nothing our party emblem. And what about Bill, did he throw up, too, Hill?
Hillary: No, he just got mad.
Barack: Because of the perceived insult to donkeys?
Hillary: No, because of the perceived insult to himself.
Barack: So there you have it, audience land: "The Book of Mormon" gets two thumbs up from Hillary. "Innocence of Muslims:" two thumb screws in, way in, from both of us for the treasonous sonsofbitches who made it. And for all those idiot Founding Fathers who gave them the right to make it.
Hillary: Well, folks, that's it for this edition of EW. See you next week, where we'll be looking at Romney's secret video exposing his unorthodox views on marriage. He actually believes in it! Don't miss it!
Both: Bye!

Saturday, 15 September 2012

What can you make of a country that spends billions clogging its airports with TSA guards diligently searching grandma's underwear and baby's diaper for explosives but which leaves its overseas embassies wide open to attack from Muslim mobs? What can you make of a State Department which justifies official mob appeasements in one breath and repudiates them in the next? What can you make of a media that gangs on the lowly Terry Jones and some obscure film maker for daring to exercise the freedoms which they themselves are always crowing about in the abstract? What can you make of a president who flaunts his Muslim middle name in Dearborn and disowns it in Peoria, the same president who declared that America is "no longer a Christian nation" but who now intones Bible verses over the bodies of his slain diplomats? What can you make of his predecessor who for six tedious years of war against Muslims kept reiterating the inane mantra that Islam is a religion of peace? What can you make of the party that implicitly supported him all that time in spite of such a blatant betrayal of their own beliefs? What can you make of a presidential challenger whose firm jaw line is completely belied by the pliancy of his wobbly spine? In short, friends, what can you make of a country that is so riddled with contradictions when it comes to its chief enemy abroad that it is effectively paralyzed from its eagle neck down?
      Thank God I'm in Canada where Prime Minister Harper has just "presciently" pulled his diplomats out of Iran.... while in Syria he's backing the rebels, whose eventual rout of Assad will herald another "victory for democracy," just like Egypt and... Libya and... Iran!!! Oh God! Open up, USA, because when it comes to the serious joke of foreign policy, we're all Americans now!

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Round 4: Low Blows and Media Hoes

And it's round four (round three you'll recall was cancelled after that wacko Joe Soptic or was it Septic threw his wife's rotting corpse into the ring, claiming Romney had killed her. It wasn't until the ref, Mike Media, finally stumbled over the body - what, was he blind? - that a foul was declared. Foul? You can say that again. What a stench! It took days just to air the auditorium out. And Obama grinning away the whole time and swearing that he knew nothing about it! ) Anyway, here we are again after a lengthy rest for the two contenders, each with a new man in his corner. Joining the Obama team is the former champ, Killer Bill Clinton, now taking a bow before the appreciative audience and getting a friendly pat on the back from the ref - those two go way back. And in the Romney camp it's Ol Man Eastwood, a long time gym rat who's talking to himself and waving a stool around in a threatening manner toward Obama. And the ref soon puts a stop to that. Eastwood calls Romney his Multi-Million Dollar Baby, so let's see if this baby knows his shit.
    And as the bell sounds, Romney comes tearing out to center ring and gets a good one smack in the bread basket of his foe, shutting down his opponent's attempt to psych him out with his signature "mixed signals" technique. "None of your f---ing mixed signals!" he taunts, as Obama doubles over - or is that just his customary bow adopted when foreigners and Muslims are around? Hard to say. But wait! The ref is calling it a low blow. Didn't look that way from here, but Obama is now clutching his groin, he's hurting, backtracking, he looks weak, indecisive, he's reeling back to his corner. The crowd is starting to turn ugly, but it's unclear if they're booing the Prez or the low blow - the alleged low blow, let me add-, or even the ref himself. Romney is looking anxiously toward the crowd, he seems unsure about what to do next, he's moving erratically, now right, now left, he's starting to twitch all over. And now he's... he's flip flopping. Oh no! Yes, he's reverting to that former back-and-forth method that has cost him so many titles in the past. His manager Ol Man Eastwood is starting to tear what little hair he has out of his head in despair. "Nooooo," he screams to his multi-million dollar baby who has just messed his trunks. "Stand fast, Mitt!" But it's too late for the self-deformin' Mormon.  Obama is suddenly back in form, hammering Romney with his redoubtable rabbit punches - on the ribs, in the chest, everywhere. It is vicious. Oh, I beg your pardon, ladies and gentleman, but it's the ref, I repeat, the ref  who is beating up Romney. Incredible! And now it's Romney who's in trouble, big trouble. He's swaying, wobbling, tottering. And now he's got both gloves in front of his face, hoping at least to save that famous Hollywood profile. But the referee starts striking at those gloves, making Romney hit himself, yes it's turning into a spectacle of masochism as the contender draws his own blood from his mouth. The ref's out for justice now, and just as the clock closes in he pops a straight jab to Romney's nose. Ouch!
"Pinocchio!" is all we hear as the bell sounds. And the Ol Man comes out to wipe his poor baby's nose. "Whore!" yells Eastwood in disgust at the referee, who's doing a victory dance in centre ring. Ladies and gentleman, once again, bought-off ref or no ref, it looks like Romney blew it. 

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Partial Berth Presidency

Lots of talk about media gush
But nobody's saying why:
Cuz a voters kick to that ebon tush
Would blacken the media's eye. 

There's so much riding on the coming election of the Most Powerful Man in the World: Obama might lose his handicap, Romney might lose his tax bracket etc. But it's the journos, the most powerful stench in America, that stand to lose most. And that's why the very thought of a democratic loss makes them lose it. The current POTUS is their baby, they elected him after a fifty-year gestation in the statist womb, and by God (boooo!) - OK, by heaven - they're not going to see all that liberal labor go down the drain in November like some DNC-approved partial birth abortion. Better never to have gained the White House at all than to have and have not, to win the hand and then get the boot, to be the first black failed president. Losing your chance is one thing, but being given the big chance and then blowing it is the greatest American nightmare. Just look at Carter.
      Jimmy Carter is the Flying Dutchman of politics, doomed to wander the earth in search of redemption. He can't, won't accept his dismissal after four years in office. He roams the world trying to gain its approval in order to offset his own country's rejection. But all the peace prizes in the world won't erase the stigma of that one lost piece of his presidency. Is it any surprise to hear him endorsing, albeit indirectly, a Romney victory? Misery loves company. But the world loves winners. And Obama loves himself. And Romney loves God. And the media love... nothing. It just hates. It hates God and country and millionaires and wasps and "haters" and babies and, well, just about everything.
      But most of all it hates admitting a mistake. And having to finally admit that Obama wasn't the One will make them feel like two cents. Do I hear two cents for Mr. Hope and Change? Going once, going twice... gone!

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Spin Offs

Romney's number one problem? He hasn't hired me as his adviser and speechwriter. And ditto for Obama, who despite his self-proclaimed "gift" has yet to put two words together in an interesting way since taking office. Honestly, this boring quest for the most exciting job in the world suffers from a serious want of wit and riposte, the cut and thrust of two men thinking on their feet, who know what they want and are ready to foil any attack with a counter attack, like the gladiators of language which every good pol should be. When Harry Reid was badgering Romney about tax-free income, how long did it take to come back with a simple but effective "put up or shut up!"? About three weeks! What is he paying those hacks in the back of the bus for, wisdom?  
    Now consider the events of the last few weeks and their implications for a United States still mired in the trough of an intractable downturn. First, victory at the London Olympics, blowing away the putative contender for world leader status, China, and then a miracle in space, the all time highest leap for mankind ever attempted, done with consummate configuration and finesse. And what on earth were these two boobs doing about it? Nothing! If I had the president's ear this is what he'd have been saying in answer to Paul Ryan's maiden speech as VP candidate: "You know, folks, (that's what Democrats call each other when they're feeling bipartisan), y'know, folks, according to Mr. Ryan we're living in a land and in a time faced with what he calls "debt, doubt, and despair." Funny how perspectives vary. To riff off of Robert Kennedy, some people see things as they aren't and ask when's the nightmare going to end? I see things as they are and ask, who's dreaming now? Today America's athletes are just home from Mount Olympus, figuratively speaking, borne on the victorious wings of Nike, just as NASA has stunned the world with a landing on far away Mars that left even the red god of war gaping in disbelief at what peace time endeavor can achieve. Debt, doubt, and despair? More like drive, dedication, and daring. That's the United States that I'm living in. Mr. Ryan, wake up and smell the victory bouquets."

Not that Romney couldn't have turned the same events to his own advantage: "Y'know, folks, [that's how Republicans like to refer to their fellow millionaires] y'know, folks, my detractors like to point out how wealthy I am, having money evidently being a capital offense, if you'll pardon the pun, in some circles of late; they brand me as a part of the one percent, and maybe I am, from some points of view. But I gotta tell you, no matter how much money you have you'll always be humbled by the real one percent, those achievers of the impossible who have made this country the greatest in the world, and who these past weeks have once again demonstrated what  human beings are capable of if given the chance. In London the quest was for a piece of gold, and on Mars for some worthless iron rocks, but the true prize was the same and it was immaterial: the human spirit doing what the good Lord created it for: overcoming the challenges of gravity and mortality. That's why we're here, folks, not for a hand out or a leg up, but to test ourselves against the best and the most difficult the universe has to offer. My friends, that's why a free America has always been the One Percent among nations. Let's keep it that way!" 
       And so on. When you come right down to it the problem is one of metaphor, the ability to say one thing in terms of another. Language is intrinsically metaphorical because all words run into one another like ocean currents, all meaning ambiguous and multivalent and fluid. A good speaker rides the wave of ambiguity like a confident surfer, but a poor speaker, like Biden, gets tossed by the momentum of a meaning he couldn't handle. He ends up choking on his own words, the gaffe as verbal wipe out.  
      TV hates ambiguity and doesn't comprehend metaphor. That's why it's so attractive to stupid people, corporations, - and second rate pols. A picture's worth a thousand words, and every one of them filtered through a network teleprompter.  

 .... I see that Obama was suggesting two years ago that NASA's "foremost" mission should be to remind Islam of all its glorious contributions to science and math. In fact Islam's main contribution was to the art of translation from Greek into Arabic but never mind, (that's what's the matter with Islam, it is never mind!). So in the spirit of NASA's new mandate I offer MASA or  ... 
Muslim Astounding Space Advances
  • emptying countless libraries;
  • vacating unnumbered publishing houses worldwide;
  • rendering Christians all but invisible in Egypt, Iraq, Saudi Arabia etc;  
  • clearing thousands of schoolrooms of girls; 
  • eviscerating the press;
  • voiding elections;
  • making the Mid-East, excluding Israel, developmentally barren;
  • making vanish priceless art and artifacts throughout Asia; 
  • turning the city of Dearborn into a wasteland; 
  • desertifying, ie, making deserts of, all economic growth;
  • disappearing millions of innocent people, aka infidels;
  • thoroughly evacuating the mind of every devout sura sucker on earth. 

Saturday, 11 August 2012

Round Two : Down and Outed

And going into the second round the challenger is showing off some fancy footwork, hopping from continent to continent. But someone's getting into the ring, someone's climbing under the ropes, with the two rivals holding off from one another, and it's none other than Ziona, the notorious congressional gun moll. The ref is making a half-hearted effort to get the intruder out of the ring but she's having none of it. And neither are the fighters! Romney is dancing attendance, literally, around the temptress, billing and cooing like a love-struck school boy. Romney goes ringside now, and what's he doing? It looks like he's picking a fight with some of the crowd, yes he's reaching over and clobbering some of the refugee types in the second row. What a bully! But Ziona is loving it. Now he's going down on one knee to plead for her favor. What an opportunity for Obama to lay him out cold with a swipe to his famous Hollywood profile, but Obama's not interested, because he's going down too. Yes, both fighters have forgotten everything except their desire for Ziona's kiss of approval. And how many great contenders has that death kiss seduced in previous matches? How many All-American boys, decent clean living patriotic young men has this shameless harlot corrupted with her bribes, threats and promises of power?
      But wait! There's a new development underway. Ziona is tying them up, hands and feet, purse and power. Oh my God! the fighters are engaging in some sordid game of national bondage with this perverse Mid-East tramp. This is too much even for the referee, he's calling it a round, he's declaring a winner, and it's Ziona on fouls.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Out of the Closet and into the Star Chamber

Chick-fil-A in the Chair  
"A prisoner in the Inquisition is never allowed to see the face of his accuser, or of the witnesses against him, but every method is taken by threats and tortures, to oblige him to accuse himself, and by that means corroborate their evidence. If the jurisdiction of the Inquisition is not fully allowed, vengeance is denounced against such as call it in question for if any of its officers are opposed, those who oppose them are almost certain to be sufferers for the temerity; the maxim of the Inquisition being to strike terror, and awe those who are the objects of its power into obedience. High birth, distinguished rank, great dignity, or eminent employments, are no protection from its severities; and the lowest officers of the Inquisition can make the highest characters tremble." - Fox's Book of Martyrs

Saturday, 28 July 2012

Capitol Dust-up

And in round minus-15 with Romney in the red trunks and no sign of any magic underwear, still getting pain from Bain and looking like he might be going out early, but a wild swing by the blue-shorted Obama at the business sector left him wide open to the Stormin' Mormon who started coming on like a born-again capital-c Capitalist, seizing what was a magic opportunity to showcase his seldom used right. After unleashing a swift Utah haymaker to Obama's glass chin that left the defending champ on the defensive indeed, reeling like a stunned calf at the slaughter house gates, Romney followed up with a fist-blitz of ads to his vulnerable mid-section. The Hawaiian lion wasn't buyin what Romney was selling, however, and cried foul to the ref, aka the Meddlin' Media, another southpaw like Obama, who tried to get Romney to back off until the crowd, made up of small business types, began booing the judge-with-a-grudge near out of the ring. "Build this!" shouted the challenger, giving the dazed Prez another taste of the Mighty Mitts in the form of the latest job stats before doing a small victory dance of tweets to the delight of his ecstatic fans. The whole round would have been his to relish but for a slight accident getting to his corner, when the Axin' Saxon banged his Bain-brain on an Olympic post. Obama, still looking like little boy blue who lost his sheeple, tried to take advantage of this small gift of a gaffe with a last-second flurry of weak left jabs at his retreating opponent's back, abetted yet again by the farcical impartial ref, but the round was over and Romney had won it, Invisible Hands down. 

Monday, 16 July 2012

Romney's Laocoon Moment

Laocoon, as you may recall,
Rapped the hollow horse without Troy's wall,
But when Poseidon bade his serpents crawl,
Down went Laocoon, sons and all. 
Alas, what hope that priests forestall,
When the gods ordain, a nation's fall?

Saturday, 16 June 2012

Mitt's Mistress Distress

As Obama sucks
Up to the influx,
And Romney ducks,
America self-destructs.

Ay, Mitt, como se dice "deer in the headlights" en espanol? 

Romney speaks better Spanish, but when it comes to illegals it's Obama who talks their language, a language with as many code terms for amnesty as Eskimos have words for snow. Witless Mitt wasn't saying anything, however, after Obama sucker punched him with an announced amnesty - code word: stay of deportation -  for under-thirty illegals. When he finally opened up it was in his accustomed elocutionary style, both sides of the mouth. Standard press-speak tells us he's trying to balance the baloney immigration pledges he made during the primaries with his lust for the fresh meat of the hispanic vote. And failing miserably. Like a man panting after a hot senorita but with a drab and nagging wife hanging onto his arm, Mitt feels caught between a rock and a hard-on. It's a war between his better half and half the electorate. Too bad he's not living in a Latino country himself, since the Southern culture is more tolerant of such connubial lapses than are the Republican biddies now holding Mitt's big flat feet to the fire. But, patience, Mitt, it's coming!    
       And when it does come the Republicans can take a big bow for helping it get here. Right before they bow out of America's national arena forever, that is, made otiose and redundant by their own stupendous paralysis on this suicidal issue. Was not George W. Bush amnesty's patron saint? He routed the Taliban as the right cheered, but when he left his country's own southern flank exposed to an invasion they said nothing. Even the sainted Reagan did almost nothing to stop the endless train of migration, which just started gaining steam under his rule. Reagan's supporters hated high taxes but they also hated high wages. They still do, of course, and that's why America is drowning in a continuous flood of human wage controls spilling over the Rio Grande's banks.
       Romney, too, loathes high wages, a bane to all capitalists, and pardon the pun but never pardon the hypocrisy it points to. In his hypocritical heart Romney has always been pro-amnesty, pro-growth and progressive. In other words, a liberal pure and simple. Alas, no one is pure when it comes to the temptations of power, and as the poor bastard is reluctantly led away by the spouse of his youthful vows toward the safe and stuffy domicile of white America, he knows he's got only one mad chance to bring it all together, wife, mistress, honor and victory: a Mormon foursome!

Saturday, 9 June 2012

The devil you say!

  Romney hasn't got a snowball's chance in hell, you say. Ah, but what about Mormon hell? In Mormon hell, Satan is Christ's brother, so maybe there's an off chance for an errant snowball or two down there, and even for an obvious snow job like Obama, if it comes to that, wagging his phony halo of cool over the lost souls of the left and the left behind. If as the Bible says, "greater things are to come," then a Mormon ruling the land where Jesus did a flyby for the Indians' benefit two thousand years ago just might qualify.
       Christians scoff at Joseph Smith's blasphemous brotherhood but who can doubt that Romney and Obama are the cynical sin twins of politics, both of them cleft, right and left, from the obscene loins of Mammon? It's only a question of which path of parturition they took to get where they are. Romney took the usual course of infernal fertilization, gestating long years in the bowels of finance to be finally and unceremoniously shitted out of the god of greed's hinder parts, covered in filthy lucre. Obama, not a true birther, you know, was a C-section, "untimely ripped," like Macduff, from the money womb before he could make his pile at the public trough. Now they're quarreling over their patrimony, each one appealing to Almighty Dollar for nursing rights on America and the world. They're both big boys but it's the trend today to stay attached. Obama has monopolized the national bosom the last few years, sucking back Israeli spittle and various Wall Street fluids and breaking every promise he ever made in the process. Mitt-the-shit, meanwhile, has been kept busy justifying the ways of man to dog (pooch enjoyed that ride in his own dung!) and of boss to worker, while covering over photos of himself and friends sticking greenbacks into every orifice known to Grey. Verily, sayeth Mammon, these are my divine sons in whom I am well pleased! 
       When a devout Mormon dies he gets his own private planet as a reward, with just himself and his little spirit wifey(s) ruling all. So when Obama's guy says that Romney is "on another planet" the reply is, well, no, but he's working on it. What a deal! Help wreck this planet during this life, get your own in the next. But everyone who ever lived in the White House shares this assumption of divine mandate, even especially the current occupant. Now we get those tea party types who think Obama is secretly not a Christian. They're right. He's a Mormon!
        Why, this is hell, said Marlowe's Mephistopheles of earth, nor am I out of it. Luc, we know where you are coming from.

Saturday, 28 April 2012

The Strawberry Patriots (To the tune of Star Spangled Banner)

Oh say can you see, by the light of the klieg,
A million illegals in traitor's league
With contractors and farmers
And the US Chamber of Commerce;
In fields whose harvest groans
In the dust of heroes' bones?
So the blood of patriots was but a fount
For a plat of strawberries at discount.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

AWOL: Absent Without Leads

This is Sunday Morning's Google News Page, U.S. edition. Unlike most every other nation's Google News, which are all "auto-generated" by individual searches, this one hasn't a single leader on the Afghan murders. And what do the masters of the universe south of the border find to be so much more engrossing than the story of one of their own running amok and killing sixteen unarmed civilians, including nine children? Read 'em and weep!

GOP presidential race seems close, but Mitt Romney has the numbers

Christian Science Monitor - 
Political campaigns are about heart and soul, but in the end it's the numbers that count. Mitt Romney clearly is ahead in the delegate count, and one prominent Republican says "this thing is about over.

World's first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier USS Enterprise makes final ...

Washington Post - 
NORFOLK, Va. - The USS Enterprise has set sail on its final voyage. Officials say the nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, which was featured in the film “Top Gun,” left Norfolk, Va.

Remaining 5 inmates in Mississippi pardons controversy freed

CNN International - 
(CNN) -- All five remaining inmates held in the Mississippi pardons controversy have now been released from prison. Mississippi's Supreme Court last week upheld the controversial pardons of more than 200 convicts that former Gov.

Tips to combat daylight saving time fatigue - 
Adjusting to the daylight saving time switch can be toughest for night owls and people who are sleep-deprived. By Joyce Cohen For many Americans, the switch to daylight saving time is an annual rite of exhaustion.

Two busted for stealing cash from Girl Scouts selling cookies

Written by
New York Daily News - 
By Michael Sheridan / NEW YORK DAILY NEWS Justin Rogers-Zenon, 18, is faces robbery charges along with a 16-year-old for stealing money from Girl Scouts selling cookies outside a Wal-Mart, police say.

Centrist Women Tell of Disenchantment With Republicans

New York Times - 
As baby showers go, the party Mary Russell attended to celebrate her niece's first child was sweet, with about a dozen women offering congratulations over ice cream and cake.

US Rep. Inslee to resign for Wash. gov. race - 
March 10, 2012|Chris Grygiel, AP Rep. Jay Inslee is resigning from Congress to focus full time on running for governor of Washington state this fall.

Washington state courthouse attack suspect arrested - 
The manhunt is over in Washington state, where police have arrested 34-year-old Steven Kravetz, who is suspected in a courthouse rampage that left a judge and sheriff's deputy wounded.

Despite Bill Maher's crude comments, Dem PAC doesn't have to return comedian's ...

New York Daily News - 
By Alison Gendar / NEW YORK DAILY NEWS Sen. Chuck Schumer says despite comedian Bill Maher's crude comments about women, a Democratic super PAC need not return the $1 million contribution it received from Maher, whose remarks don't carry the ...

Newtisms in full (algae) bloom

Fox News (blog) - 
by Joy Lin | March 11, 2012 Birmingham, Ala. -- It's hard to imagine any presidential candidate getting more political mileage out of single-cell life forms than Newt Gingrich.

Republicans weigh returning Hatch for 7th term

Atlanta Journal Constitution - 
By KEVIN FREKING AP SALT LAKE CITY - Disgruntled conservatives planted the seeds for Sen. Robert Bennett's defeat long before delegates at the Utah Republican Convention made it official two years ago.

Search Expanded For 4 Missing Fishermen Off Coast.

NPR - 
by AP SEATTLE (AP) - The Coast Guard expanded its search area Sunday in an effort to find four people who disappeared from a fishing trawler off the Washington coast, but there was still no sign of them.

OC's Crystal Cathedral congregation to relocate

San Francisco Chronicle - 
(03-11) 11:53 PDT Garden Grove, Calif. (AP) -- The Crystal Cathedral's pastor says her congregation will relocate and the Orange County megachurch will get a new name.

Farrakhan's right to speak at Berkeley event is defended

Los Angeles Times - 
An appearance by controversial Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan at UC Berkeley raised some hackles, but University of California President Mark G. Yudof issued a statement defending Farrakhan's right to speak.

Senate rejects GOP measure to build oil pipeline

CNN - 
By Ted Barrett. Dana Bash. and Alan Silverleib, CNN Washington (CNN) -- The Senate narrowly rejected a Republican-sponsored measure Thursday that would have bypassed the Obama administration's current objections to the Keystone XL pipeline and allowed ...

Can't quit the place, senators back for second act

CBS News - 
WASHINGTON - Call 'em the comeback crew. Republican Sen. Dan Coats and Democratic Sen. Frank Lautenberg served years in the Senate before bowing out because of a term-limits promise or the frustration of endless fundraising.

Obama's health care law: A trek, not a sprint

San Francisco Chronicle - 
(03-11) 08:44 PDT WASHINGTON (AP) -- It took only a year to set up Medicare. But if President Barack Obama's health care law survives Supreme Court scrutiny, it will be nearly a decade before all its major pieces are in place.

GOP, Democratic governors chiefs debate role of social issues in 2012 race

Fox News - 
The chairman of the Democratic Governors Association on Sunday accused Republicans of being more interested in their own internal nominating race than the economy, a claim his Republican counterpart described as incredulous considering the amount of ...

NASCAR stock cars, zip lines and freefalls among new attractions in Myrtle ...

Washington Post - 
MYRTLE BEACH, SC - Free falling from a 60-foot tower, slipping down an oceanfront zip line or fighting through a curve in a car once driven by a NASCAR great are among the new attractions that will greet visitors to Myrtle Beach during a new beach ...


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