Saturday, 16 June 2012

Mitt's Mistress Distress

As Obama sucks
Up to the influx,
And Romney ducks,
America self-destructs.

Ay, Mitt, como se dice "deer in the headlights" en espanol? 

Romney speaks better Spanish, but when it comes to illegals it's Obama who talks their language, a language with as many code terms for amnesty as Eskimos have words for snow. Witless Mitt wasn't saying anything, however, after Obama sucker punched him with an announced amnesty - code word: stay of deportation -  for under-thirty illegals. When he finally opened up it was in his accustomed elocutionary style, both sides of the mouth. Standard press-speak tells us he's trying to balance the baloney immigration pledges he made during the primaries with his lust for the fresh meat of the hispanic vote. And failing miserably. Like a man panting after a hot senorita but with a drab and nagging wife hanging onto his arm, Mitt feels caught between a rock and a hard-on. It's a war between his better half and half the electorate. Too bad he's not living in a Latino country himself, since the Southern culture is more tolerant of such connubial lapses than are the Republican biddies now holding Mitt's big flat feet to the fire. But, patience, Mitt, it's coming!    
       And when it does come the Republicans can take a big bow for helping it get here. Right before they bow out of America's national arena forever, that is, made otiose and redundant by their own stupendous paralysis on this suicidal issue. Was not George W. Bush amnesty's patron saint? He routed the Taliban as the right cheered, but when he left his country's own southern flank exposed to an invasion they said nothing. Even the sainted Reagan did almost nothing to stop the endless train of migration, which just started gaining steam under his rule. Reagan's supporters hated high taxes but they also hated high wages. They still do, of course, and that's why America is drowning in a continuous flood of human wage controls spilling over the Rio Grande's banks.
       Romney, too, loathes high wages, a bane to all capitalists, and pardon the pun but never pardon the hypocrisy it points to. In his hypocritical heart Romney has always been pro-amnesty, pro-growth and progressive. In other words, a liberal pure and simple. Alas, no one is pure when it comes to the temptations of power, and as the poor bastard is reluctantly led away by the spouse of his youthful vows toward the safe and stuffy domicile of white America, he knows he's got only one mad chance to bring it all together, wife, mistress, honor and victory: a Mormon foursome!

Saturday, 9 June 2012

The devil you say!

  Romney hasn't got a snowball's chance in hell, you say. Ah, but what about Mormon hell? In Mormon hell, Satan is Christ's brother, so maybe there's an off chance for an errant snowball or two down there, and even for an obvious snow job like Obama, if it comes to that, wagging his phony halo of cool over the lost souls of the left and the left behind. If as the Bible says, "greater things are to come," then a Mormon ruling the land where Jesus did a flyby for the Indians' benefit two thousand years ago just might qualify.
       Christians scoff at Joseph Smith's blasphemous brotherhood but who can doubt that Romney and Obama are the cynical sin twins of politics, both of them cleft, right and left, from the obscene loins of Mammon? It's only a question of which path of parturition they took to get where they are. Romney took the usual course of infernal fertilization, gestating long years in the bowels of finance to be finally and unceremoniously shitted out of the god of greed's hinder parts, covered in filthy lucre. Obama, not a true birther, you know, was a C-section, "untimely ripped," like Macduff, from the money womb before he could make his pile at the public trough. Now they're quarreling over their patrimony, each one appealing to Almighty Dollar for nursing rights on America and the world. They're both big boys but it's the trend today to stay attached. Obama has monopolized the national bosom the last few years, sucking back Israeli spittle and various Wall Street fluids and breaking every promise he ever made in the process. Mitt-the-shit, meanwhile, has been kept busy justifying the ways of man to dog (pooch enjoyed that ride in his own dung!) and of boss to worker, while covering over photos of himself and friends sticking greenbacks into every orifice known to Grey. Verily, sayeth Mammon, these are my divine sons in whom I am well pleased! 
       When a devout Mormon dies he gets his own private planet as a reward, with just himself and his little spirit wifey(s) ruling all. So when Obama's guy says that Romney is "on another planet" the reply is, well, no, but he's working on it. What a deal! Help wreck this planet during this life, get your own in the next. But everyone who ever lived in the White House shares this assumption of divine mandate, even especially the current occupant. Now we get those tea party types who think Obama is secretly not a Christian. They're right. He's a Mormon!
        Why, this is hell, said Marlowe's Mephistopheles of earth, nor am I out of it. Luc, we know where you are coming from.