Sunday, 23 September 2012

At the Movies with Hillary and Barack

Hillary: Welcome back, fans, friends and followers! And here we are once again with a brand new edition of Entertainment Weakly, where weaker is always better. I'm Hillary C., and joining me is my partner in patter Barack O. (B nods to camera) Well, Barack, tonight we're reviewing the new Youtube sensation "Innocence of Muslims," and over on Broadway, another smash hit, "The Book of Mormon."
Barack: Smash hits! Oh yeah, Hill. In fact I wanted to smash in the faces of the producers of this movie from the very first frames I saw. I have to confess, though, that I haven't yet taken in the play. Too busy bringing the curtain down on a certain real life Mormon. But I hear it's great.
Hillary:  Fabjulous, Barack! I saw it recently with Bill and the gang. You know, all our Hollywood friends. We were in stitches from curtain time. It really sticks it to the Mormon goofs. And such a timely play, too. Right now, just when our campaign needs a boost and Romney needs a boot right up his pious (censored).
Barack: Yes, and I'm told that it sticks that pathetic book of theirs literally right up their --
Hillary: (bursting out in laughter) Oh, don't remind me! That scene will stay forever in my mind as one of the immortal comic icons of stage or screen. I was laughing so hard I nearly wet myself.
Barack: Oh, Hill, you wicked girl, so you're the White House leaker! Ha ha! And, Bill, your husband, always of the same kidney, I trust he shares your enthusiasm?
Hillary: Let's just say, that cigar of his was positively glowing with approbation, Barack.
Both: Ha ha!
Barack: Great! But now let's jump into the movie. It just doesn't match the artistry of "Book of Mormon," does it?
Hillary: Not even close, Barack. "Innocence of Muslims" is full of cheap sex, religional denigration and covert racism. It's absolutely disgusting. By contrast, "The Book of Mormon" is full of cheap sex, religional denigration and covert racism.
Barack: In other words...
Hillary: A true work of art.
Barack: And tell us again, what was Bill's verdict on the movie?
Hillary: Bill gives it two cigars in, way in!
Barack: That good, eh? Or bad, bad I meant. Tell me, was there any particular scene in the film that he and you found especially disgusting?
Hillary: Well, now that you ask, Barack, that scene where Mahomet is addressing the donkey, asking if it likes the women. I nearly threw up in Bill's lap when I saw them showing such blatant disrespect toward donkeys.
Barack: I can appreciate that, Hill. Such a sensitive animal, and not for nothing our party emblem. And what about Bill, did he throw up, too, Hill?
Hillary: No, he just got mad.
Barack: Because of the perceived insult to donkeys?
Hillary: No, because of the perceived insult to himself.
Barack: So there you have it, audience land: "The Book of Mormon" gets two thumbs up from Hillary. "Innocence of Muslims:" two thumb screws in, way in, from both of us for the treasonous sonsofbitches who made it. And for all those idiot Founding Fathers who gave them the right to make it.
Hillary: Well, folks, that's it for this edition of EW. See you next week, where we'll be looking at Romney's secret video exposing his unorthodox views on marriage. He actually believes in it! Don't miss it!
Both: Bye!

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