Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Round 4: Low Blows and Media Hoes

And it's round four (round three you'll recall was cancelled after that wacko Joe Soptic or was it Septic threw his wife's rotting corpse into the ring, claiming Romney had killed her. It wasn't until the ref, Mike Media, finally stumbled over the body - what, was he blind? - that a foul was declared. Foul? You can say that again. What a stench! It took days just to air the auditorium out. And Obama grinning away the whole time and swearing that he knew nothing about it! ) Anyway, here we are again after a lengthy rest for the two contenders, each with a new man in his corner. Joining the Obama team is the former champ, Killer Bill Clinton, now taking a bow before the appreciative audience and getting a friendly pat on the back from the ref - those two go way back. And in the Romney camp it's Ol Man Eastwood, a long time gym rat who's talking to himself and waving a stool around in a threatening manner toward Obama. And the ref soon puts a stop to that. Eastwood calls Romney his Multi-Million Dollar Baby, so let's see if this baby knows his shit.
    And as the bell sounds, Romney comes tearing out to center ring and gets a good one smack in the bread basket of his foe, shutting down his opponent's attempt to psych him out with his signature "mixed signals" technique. "None of your f---ing mixed signals!" he taunts, as Obama doubles over - or is that just his customary bow adopted when foreigners and Muslims are around? Hard to say. But wait! The ref is calling it a low blow. Didn't look that way from here, but Obama is now clutching his groin, he's hurting, backtracking, he looks weak, indecisive, he's reeling back to his corner. The crowd is starting to turn ugly, but it's unclear if they're booing the Prez or the low blow - the alleged low blow, let me add-, or even the ref himself. Romney is looking anxiously toward the crowd, he seems unsure about what to do next, he's moving erratically, now right, now left, he's starting to twitch all over. And now he's... he's flip flopping. Oh no! Yes, he's reverting to that former back-and-forth method that has cost him so many titles in the past. His manager Ol Man Eastwood is starting to tear what little hair he has out of his head in despair. "Nooooo," he screams to his multi-million dollar baby who has just messed his trunks. "Stand fast, Mitt!" But it's too late for the self-deformin' Mormon.  Obama is suddenly back in form, hammering Romney with his redoubtable rabbit punches - on the ribs, in the chest, everywhere. It is vicious. Oh, I beg your pardon, ladies and gentleman, but it's the ref, I repeat, the ref  who is beating up Romney. Incredible! And now it's Romney who's in trouble, big trouble. He's swaying, wobbling, tottering. And now he's got both gloves in front of his face, hoping at least to save that famous Hollywood profile. But the referee starts striking at those gloves, making Romney hit himself, yes it's turning into a spectacle of masochism as the contender draws his own blood from his mouth. The ref's out for justice now, and just as the clock closes in he pops a straight jab to Romney's nose. Ouch!
"Pinocchio!" is all we hear as the bell sounds. And the Ol Man comes out to wipe his poor baby's nose. "Whore!" yells Eastwood in disgust at the referee, who's doing a victory dance in centre ring. Ladies and gentleman, once again, bought-off ref or no ref, it looks like Romney blew it. 

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