Saturday, 25 January 2014

Songs of the Harper

"Rock Star" Stephen Harper was leading the chorus in Israel last week. This country's media was in high form, too. Or as they say in Italian, molto falsetto:

Maestro Harper (a cappella e con fuoco): Canada will stand by Israel through fire and water.
Chorus (tutti media): Fire and water!
Harper (sotto voce): Canada will stand by while Palestine goes to slaughter.
Tutti: To slaughter!
Harper: (giocoso) It's a grave situation, can you dig it?
Tutti: We dig it, we can dig it!
Harper Messiah: Anyone disagreeing is a bigot.
Tutti: A bigot, just a bigot!
Soloists (stretto): 
Basso castrato, National Post (stage centre): It's historic!
Tenor castrato, Toronto Star (stage left): And heroic!
Alto castrato, Toronto Sun (stage right): And so wondrous!
Soprano castrato, Vancouver Sun (backstage) And so right!
Harper Messiah: Hallelujah! 
Tutti Castrati: Hallelujah!
Harper Messiah: Hallelujah! 
Tutti (religioso): Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! 

Counterpoint
OK, Tryon, you've had your fun with the facts. Your tampering with tenor is over the top. Now tell the well-tempered truth: the press wasn't entirely adulatory, the Toronto Star and Globe and Mail both taking the PM to task for his pro-Israeli indulgences. And Harper never said or implied that every criticism of Israel was unjustified. In fact, he himself was found calling Netanyahu on the carpet, red carpet though it was. But it was a cryptic critique, subliminally resonating in Steve's Beatles "serenade" to the Israeli PM. Needless to say, the pointed counterpoint was completely lost on our blunted media, their indignant readers in the comments sections, and even on Netanyahu himself, who reportedly hummed along to his own musical admonishment. For those who doubt my interpretation of Harper's performance, ask yourself if he could have chosen a more problematic piece to woo his semitic soulmate with than . . . 
Hey Jude 
"Hey Jude," i.e., an Israeli, as in Judah, (heard in the McCartney's original's closing ab libs), or more exactly and exactingly, as in Judean, after those self-described Biblical heirs now occupying the disputed territories with Bibi's blessing.
"Don't make it bad," i.e., don't be intractable.
"Take a sad song and make it better,"©  Nothing is sadder than this perpetual impasse, so get to the table and negotiate a resolution to this tragic state of affairs.

"Hey Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better."©
  It's Netanyahu's destiny, accordung to HarperBeatle, to reach an accord with the Palestinians.

"And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder."©
  
Don't isolate yourself! Your reckless intransigence and foolish indifference to world opinion is harming everyone, especially Israel.

"So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder."©  
You should give and take, you can't rely on the USA, the "movement," i.e., the momentum for peace, is at hand, and you yourself must carry it through.

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you'll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, oh..."©  
You must let the Palestinians under your skin, i.e., into the future Israeli polity, and only then will the situation improve.
Bravo!