Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Birds of a Featherhead

A mass flocking of the global warbler was sighted in the environs of New York City recently. The warblers were preparing for their annual hibernation during the coming winter months and, as usual during such display rituals, were noticeably unrestrained and raucous. Estimates vary as to their actual numbers, from the mere thousands into the hundreds of thousands, although it was noted that the more partial to warblers the watcher was, the more inflated the report appeared to be. The peculiar stridency of the misnamed warbler, always an irritation and a nuisance to human ears, is reported to have been more pronounced and incessant than in past years, owing no doubt to the increasingly early onset of cold weather which the species finds so inhospitable to its own propagation.
     Fossorial?
The whereabouts of the warblers during the winter months remains one of ornithology's abiding mysteries. Some experts have theorized that the birds burrow into the ground well below the frost line in a deluded attempt to mimic the warmer zones of summer. As temperatures drop, the birds are forced to dig ever more deeply and desperately downward in their frantic quest for warming.
    Topsyturvial?
Others, however, argue that the hapless hiberphobes seek out a safe haven in the upper rafters of the UN building, hanging upside-down like a horde of bats from October to the end of March. This odd behaviour, conjectured to be a recent adaptation to an overabundance of unpredicted sensory data, accounts for the birds' strangely inverted perspective, evinced in their characteristic topsy-turvy flight patterns, when they finally emerge from their seasonal torpor with the first floods of spring.
    Muted Reaction
The Audubon Society has issued an advisement for those wishing to observe the warbler at this crucial juncture in its life cycle: Be sure to wear protective clothing against the species' disgusting habit of muting on and smearing anyone it identifies as a non-warbler. Eye protection is imperative, as the warbler always tries to blind any perceived threat with a vicious attack on the ocular sense. Its own limited vision is of course well documented and only adds to the hazards of conscientious field work.
     Endangering Species
Finally, enthusiasts are cautioned against ever approaching the warbler with a view, however well-intentioned or scientific, of actually communicating with our errant avian. This only incenses the poor creature all the more, sending it into a frenzy of paranoid rancour from which it may never fully recover.
     Pleasant birding!
      

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Deja Who?

A Wall Street Journal - ist writes: "Let us note briefly the commanding irony of Barack Obama delivering—hours before 9/11—the anti-terrorism speech that history required of his predecessor after September 11, 2001. There is one thing to say: If we are lucky, President Obama will hand off to his successor a terrorist enemy as diminished as the one George Bush, David Petraeus and many others left him."
Is he kidding? Obama's current "terrorist enemy" IS the one Bush & Co. left him! 

Thursday, 4 September 2014

To Hell and Back - on a Golf Cart

Hey Joe
How ya gonna follow 'em to the gates of hell
Without a boot on the ground, pray tell?

Obama says he hopes to render the ISIS menace into a "manageable problem." Does he think he's still on the fairway back at the Vineyard talking about some troublesome putt or sandpit? This is what you get when you send a community organizer to do a warrior's job.  What a disgrace!
        His lieutenant immediately sought to cover the gaffe by declaring himself ready to follow ISIS "to the gates of hell." Now that's more like it, except that's only how the presstitutes are framing it. The full quote actually includes the conditional clause, "until they are brought to justice." You may recall that justice was what Obama vowed would follow the perpetrators at Benghazi, if not to the gates of hell then at least to the portals of oblivion where it now resides. The idea seems to be that Biden wants to deliver a subpoena, or perhaps an arrest warrant, ideally on Satan's doorstep, to about 50,000 jihadists. How he thinks he can get down to hell, it being underground, when his boss has ruled out even setting foot on the ground, is a question better left for the theologians to ponder. Speaking of which, it's worth noting that the pope has given his blessing to a war against ISIS, something which Bush never got, try as might, for his earlier war in the same country. In other words, this is a just cause. But just or otherwise, what we can reasonably conclude from the rhetoric spewing from the White House is that things are pretty much where they've always been with this administration, i.e., in limbo.

Memo to Joe: If and when you do get down to the regions of shade, you might try enticing a certain former Iraqi president into making the journey back with you. Just tell him you've decided that you can't do without his Sunni disposition.
PS: Justice being what it is, even in hell, the Evil One may insist on a quid pro quo, in which case you better take along another former president, now known to be cowering in Crawford. Let's give the devil is due on this one.