Wednesday, 23 September 2015

Illiberal Limericks 1

 Pope on a Rope         
Verily, I say unto you, that it is easier for a rope to pass through the eye of a needle than for a denier to enter into the kingdom of Climate.
                                   
                                    Now there was an old pontiff named Francis,
Who kept pace with all leftward advances:
On climate dogmatic,
But on morals erratic -
No one knew what the devil his stance was!

 On abortion he warned of obsession,
But CO2 was a cause for confession;
And no brimstone for sods,
The fault was all God's,
For sulfur's far worse a transgression.

To the ladder of heaven he clung,
While exalting the world's bottom rung:
But wealth's creation
Was abomination: 
A carbon footprint in the devil's own dung. 

Migrants were the love of his life,

And making Europe with refugees rife;
But when Crescent's green gloss,
Eclipses the Cross,
His own flock will be under the knife. 

Though he made the conservatives balk,
They were helpless to turn back the clock;
To deniers he was frigid,
And he banished the rigid
From the Church that was built on a rock.

Oh, the media and he made a pair,
A most scandalous love affair!
Til at the altar he bowed,
And his services vowed
To the prince of the power of the air.

 Now it's true many thought him a bore,
And to some he was Babylon's whore;
But let who is without ozone,
Cast the first ho-stone:
Go and incinerate no more!

Friday, 18 September 2015

Message to a Brother

(texting)
Hey, brother, what's new? Got any bread?
Allahu, brother. I'm on my way to a house we took over.
Took over?
Yeah! This old dame let a few of us in to help her. Then we told our friends and they told others. Now we own the place!
Didn't she call the police?
Nah! Too afraid. We told her to stay in the cellar.
What about her kids?
Never had any. Barren as a desert!
Is it good?
Great, brother. All the food we want and free rent. Why not join us, brother?
I will, brother. What's the address?
Europe!